I desperately want a child.  My husband wants a child.  We purposely will not conceive a child because what we want is not the most important thing, which is consideration toward the child.  Making a life-altering decision without consulting the one most affected seems wrong.  Also, there is a chance that once the child is grown, he may feel I would have preferred non-existence . . . safe from all harm.”  Any harm that comes to him would be our fault, since we had conceived him.   

Dear Desperately, 

What you want IS the most important thing, because, what you want wants you.  Take that truth in.   

A way to consider the child is to invite it into your lives.  Invite a soul to come to you.  There may be one waiting for your invitation. 

If any harm that comes to him would be your fault, then wouldnt any good that comes to him be your fault also?  The coin has 2 sides. 

There is a chance that once the child is grown, he may prefer non-existence.  Hasnt everyone had moments of wishing they had never been born?  Of course.  Life at times presents difficulties that we want to escape from.  This is human nature. 

Consider that a childs life is his own.  He comes into the world with his own agenda.  He will experience goodness AND harm, belonging and loneliness, success and failure.  A lifetime has a full spectrum of emotion and always a 2-sided coin.   

Just step up to the plate and do your best.  Expect hits and misses. 

Merrily Preston is an Intentional Life Facilitator who lives in Woodbridge. Her column is exclusive to the Alexandrua Times. Email questions to askmerrily@yahoo.com.