By Karen Genachowski, Ph.D.

Picture this: it’s the first week of school, and your teacher announces that the Video Game Club is meeting after school tomorrow.

A thought pops in your mind, “Wow! That would be so fun! I wonder if they’ll play Fortnite or Five Nights at Freddy’s?” But then, more thoughts pop up, like, “What if the kids there are mean? What if I don’t get a turn to play? What if the kids are better at the games than me?”

You start to feel those uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach, your face gets hot, and you hear a whizzing in your ears. You think, “No way am I going to that club!”

This feeling is called anxiety. You could also call it feeling nervous, worried or scared. We feel nervous when it seems like something bad or uncomfortable will happen.

Anxiety exists to help keep us safe. For example, anxiety reminds you not to stand too close to a busy street. The tricky thing is that sometimes anxiety says there is danger, when really there isn’t. For example, anxiety might say, “If you join a club at school, everyone will be mean to you.” Anxiety bosses you around and says you shouldn’t go to the Video Game Club. If you saw the movie “Inside Out 2,” this is just like when anxiety was in control of Riley.

Anxiety makes it hard to remind yourself, “Even if classmates have been mean before, there will still be friendly kids at the club meeting!” If we listen to anxiety all of the time, we’ll miss out on fun or important activities.

The good news is that you can do an activity even if you feel worried or uncomfortable while doing it. Anxiety isn’t the boss of you – you are!

How do we keep anxiety from bossing us around?

Bravery helps us boss back anxiety. When you think of what it means to be brave, you might think that being brave means you have no fears at all. What if I told you that being brave means you can do something even though you feel anxious or scared while doing it?

Think about it: Can you remember examples of when you tried something even though you felt a bit scared? Maybe when you learned to ride a bike without training wheels, or when you rode a rollercoaster. There are so many chances to be brave at the start of the school year. Being brave means trying out for the school play even if you are worried that you won’t get the part you want. Being brave means joining the soccer team even if it gives you butterflies to have the crowd of fans watch you play. Being brave means going to the first meeting of the Video Game Club, even though it can be tricky to meet new people.

How can you be brave this year?

As you head into the new school year, remember that anxiety isn’t the boss of you. You can do activities even if you feel worried. Remember to listen to anxiety when there is true danger, and don’t put yourself in harm’s way.

But if anxiety is bossing you around and holding you back from doing a fun or important activity, and there is no true danger, don’t let anxiety be the boss of you!

The writer is a licensed clinical psychologist at Old Town Psychology, an award-winning psychology practice in Alexandria offering therapy and cognitive assessments for all ages.