By Kathryn Ziemer, Ph.D.

This article goes out to all the A+ students in school. You know, the kids who went to space camp, or the ones who took all the advanced placement classes. Or maybe you got into a special advanced track and went to a whole separate high school.

If this is you, you probably got labeled as “gifted” early on. I see you there – how are you feeling as an adult? Are you still carrying the expectations and pressure of being a “gifted” kid? If so, just know what you’re feeling is normal and there are things you can do to feel better.

For everyone else, allow me to explain what I’m talk-ing about.

It’s a double-edged sword.

First off, having or being a gifted child is a wonderful thing – it’s worth celebrating! There are many advantages that come from being put on an intellectually advanced track early on. This often includes increased personalized attention in school, exposure to more rigorous curriculum sooner and of course it makes you more competitive when applying to college. These are all great things.

Like all things in life, the “gifted” label often has a dark side that can carry into adulthood. For starters, getting the “gifted” label early in life may become part of one’s core identity. Gifted children often think that everything should come easily to them because after all, they’re gifted.

But, that’s a lot to live up to and it’s unrealistic. Everyone eventually faces challenges, but for gifted kids, this can be especially upsetting. Even as an adult they may think, “Why is this so hard? I’m gifted, everything is supposed to be easy.”

If you were a gifted child, you probably also had high expectations for what you were going to achieve in your career. But navigating careers as an adult is a whole lot messier than being a gifted kid balancing equations in AP chemistry. That’s because adulthood comes with a host of additional challenges. Things like networking, leadership, communication and just being in the right place at the right time become important.

Even if you’ve been able to achieve amazing things in your career, there may still be the nagging feeling that it’s not “good enough.” This can lead to burnout as one tries to be “perfect” and live up to an impossible standard.

Moreover, if you grew up with the “gifted” label, you may even feel like a fraud or imposter as an adult. As a result, you may start to avoid anything that is difficult, which could challenge your “gifted” label. This actually creates a fear of failure which ultimately holds people back. After all, growth happens at the edge of competency and the game of life always gets harder as you level-up. Remember, if you’re not struggling, you’re probably not growing.

What’s a grown up gifted child to do?

So you were a gifted child and now as an adult you may be all too familiar with the dark side of this label. Now what? How do you move forward? There are a couple of useful strategies that address some of the most common challenges of growing up gifted.

You’re more than your intellect.

If being a gifted child is part of your core identity, it’s important to remember that this is only one part of who you are. You are so much more than your past or your academic accomplishments. If you’re having trouble thinking of other parts of your identity, this might be an opportunity to start to build out other areas of your life. Explore your interests, deepen your social ties and lean into the other roles in your life.

Learn to face failure.

Failure isn’t fun for anyone. But if you have a growth mindset, you can view failure as something to learn and grow from. A growth mindset means recognizing that your abilities can be developed and improved – you are not limited by what you are given at birth. This is in contrast to a fixed mindset, which is thinking your abilities, including intellect, are fixed or unchangeable.

Be kind to yourself.

Remember that everyone makes mistakes, even grown-up gifted kids. Giving yourself some kindness and compassion can really help soften the sting of failure. If you’re having trouble coming up with something kind to say to yourself, try to think of what you would say to a child or a friend in your situation. Then try saying that to yourself. It’s often easier to be kind to others than to ourselves.

The writer is the founder and clinical director of Old Town Psychology, an award-winning psychology practice in Alexandria offering therapy and cognitive assessments for all ages.