Ethical Reflections with Rev. Ian Markham: A do-nothing day

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Ethical Reflections with Rev. Ian Markham: A do-nothing day
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By Rev. Ian Markham

“My mother,” the email started, “use[d] to require us as a family to have a ‘do-nothing’ day.” My friend went on to explain that it was a day when it was forbidden to “work at home” or do household chores. The idea was to enjoy the home. So, meals were either out or prepared beforehand; and time was passed playing games, listening to music or reading a book.

It is an inspired idea. According to the American Time Use Survey, an adult, with an eight-hour-a-day job, who is in their 40s with two children, spends most of a typical year either sleeping for 129 days or working for 122 days. Eating tends to be rushed, amounting to 1.16 hours a day or 18 days a year; personal care – the shower and bathroom necessities – takes just under an hour, totaling seven days; those household chores are almost two hours a day, totaling 29 days; and those moments when you collapse and watch the television are just over three hours a day, totaling 50 days.

So, the “do-nothing” day is an invitation. Let us improve the quality of our life by pushing back on work and those household chores. Let us have a day when we stay away from screens. The average American spends seven hours and three minutes per day looking at screens – phones, computers and television – constituting 107 days a year.

But what on earth do we do? We enjoy a leisurely conversation with friends and families – perhaps we ask someone to identify six significant moments in their life and invite them to sketch out and share the scene. We go for a good long walk – somewhere different, somewhere new. We pick somewhere special for dinner.

Alternatively, this might be a day of reflection. Go to that “morbid place” and reflect for a moment on what you want your funeral to look like, then make some notes and put them somewhere safe; and then pick up and open that novel that you purchased on a vacation three years ago but never started reading.

Or again, perhaps this is a day for some exercise. Put on some music and dance for an hour or slip on some sneakers and go for a run with your dog.

One’s perspective on time changes as one ages. The gift of youth is that time stretches far into the distance; it is plentiful; there is no rush. Hit 60-years-old or so, time is precious and moves far too quickly. Hit 70, the expression TR, Time Remaining, becomes a mantra. The bucket list, those things you want to do before you kick the bucket, becomes important.

The “do-nothing” day is a pause. Take this day and enjoy it. Do not over plan. Make space for a glass of wine at lunch time and a long intimate conversation with someone you love. Prepare the meals the day before and make clearing up effortless. Do not busy yourself with that shelf that needs to be fixed or the pile of laundry that needs to go into the washing machine. Start a journal where you share your most intimate of thoughts, or call a friend whom you haven’t spoken to for a year.

These days become the days that you remember: they are the ones that you truly live.

We are only granted a finite amount of time to be present and conscious. Sleep is important, work is essential. But the “do-nothing” day is a privilege. It is the day when one knows the precious gift of having life.

The writer is dean and president of Virginia Theological Seminary.

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