Poor Robert’s Ruminations with Rob Whittle: Thwack, thunk!

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Poor Robert’s Ruminations with Rob Whittle: Thwack, thunk!
Rob Whittle (Courtesy photo)
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By Rob Whittle

Ah, the sound of a specially composite pickleball paddle colliding with a Wiffle ball – a sound that tennis players and homeowners bordering courts deeply detest. Did you read about the pickleball courts in Annandale that are being converted to tennis-only because of the noise? The pickleball players staged a sit-in, complete with placards of protest and coolers of lemonade with umbrellas spread over their lawn chairs.

First-world problems indeed.

The sports writer, Rick Reilly – who is not a fan of pickleball – wrote that any sport that you can take up after breakfast and be good at by lunch is not something he’s interested in. He also asserts that it’s practically federal law to start playing once you reach the age of 65.

Now, now Reilly. While you might be able to whack a pickleball with reasonable accuracy within a few hours, there is some strategy involved. There’s dinking, drop shots and there’s knowing when and when not to come to the net. I’m still working on that one.

It all started when a buddy suggested that a group of us take up the sport. We would meet a couple of times a week to play. We noticed a group of women playing on the adjacent court that were much more accomplished than we were. My buddy initiated merger talks and, quicker than you can say “LIV,” the men and women were playing together.

Now, it turns out that there are significant differences between men and women in pickleball terms. For one thing, the power game is basically useless in the sport. So, if you think you can overpower an opponent, think again. Women seem to be more patient than us guys, so the dink game – or dropping a ball at your opponent’s feet – comes easier to women. For me, after a couple of dinks, I want to either slam my head in the wall in frustration or try to slam the ball past the opposite player. Usually, neither strategy works.

Another big difference between the sexes is birthdays. Every single birthday of each of the women is celebrated with post-game drinks and presents. Contributions are solicited for the gifts, logistics are outlined through numerous emails and extensive toasts are proposed at the parties. For our chief organizer – thanks, Yvonne – a special party and special gifts were presented. As counterpoint to this practice, I am the organizer for my all-male golf group, a nine-month labor. Do I get feted in any way whatsoever, even on my birthday? What do you think?

Orthopedists are particular fans of the game. OrthoVirginia, or a related outfit, should sponsor pickleball leagues. With the amount of breakage in knees, ankles and hips, the return on investment would be spectacular. For every other joint replacement, there’s probably a pickleball warrior involved.

Pickleball is very social. You can go virtually anywhere in the country and find a pick-up game. Here’s a helpful primer for on-the-road pickleball: Follow your ears toward the sound of “thwack, thunk,” look for a group of four or more senior players – usually sporting knee braces bandages or other physical therapy-type gear – lay your paddle down in groups of four and wait for your name to be called. In the unlikely event that any of your group of four is under the age of thirty, discreetly move your paddle into the next grouping.

Alexandria is full of pickleball leagues, groups and courts. Just follow your ears.

The writer is CEO of Williams Whittle Advertising and is the author of two historical novels, “Pointer’s War” and “Pointer and the Russian.” He can be reached at rwhittle@williamswhittle.com.

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